Thursday is Thanksgiving so Im trying to fill my head with things that Im thankful for, rather than dwelling on...other things...
I feel like usually, I do a pretty decent job of this. Lately, there's been alot of stress in my daily life. I'm very much a girl who likes routine and stability. I'm a Taurus through and through. Its hard to be flexible and adapt to change. The changes to my life are for the better. Better by far...like times a bajillion. But still...change. My heart is so happy for these changes, but they still cause things to be shaken up. I cant wait for Chris to be fully moved in, but in the meantime, the house is a mess. I cant wait to be married, but along with that has come some misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Trying to make myself happy as well as making others happy has been challenging. Recently, having to deal with being in pain has put a damper on my usually bright disposition. I don't want my body to feel unnatural anymore. I want to have energy and be able to move around like a 30 year old, not be uncomfortable and sore and have to be careful with my body, like someone much older. I worry about how I'm going to handle being pregnant...and, eventually, take care of my children. I need to be militant about taking care of myself, so that I can be healthy enough to take care of my family. Stress can cause pain and pain causes stress. Not good.
So...moving on to the thankfulness part.
I am thankful that I have the ability to strengthen my body and to remain positive. This will get better, its just a matter of time and effort.
I am SO excited to share my house with Chris. I would happily get rid of pretty much everything I own to make room for him. Realizing that possessions are just things has been a revelation for me. Material objects don't define me. My past doesn't define me. My thoughts and passions and experiences and my love and my heart define me. Knowing this, I can let go. Its such a good feeling. I feel secure with who I am and with my relationship and I don't need THINGS.
Well, just a few things...ha!
I am thankful for this experience.
I'm thankful to be marrying the kindest most generous thoughtful loving hard working intelligent man Ive ever met. Someone who makes loving them effortless, someone who gets me, someone who just KNOWS me. I was born for him. This is what its all about.
So, regardless of any miniscule amount of stress I'm experiencing, I cant get over the feeling of being the luckiest girl alive. I cant wait to marry my best friend and to start our crazy life together. It isn't about the wedding, its about the marriage. I CAN'T WAIT!!! I cant wait. I am thankful for my family and how supportive and understanding they can and will be. I'm thankful for my new family and how kind and accepting they are. Lucky lucky lucky.
In two days, I will be spending Thanksgiving with my family. It will be the first time away from my parents for a holiday. Ever. The feeling is bittersweet. More changes. But I will still be with family. A great family. MY family. Yeah, I can totally deal :)